Thursday, 10 February 2011

231: Jamaican Jerk Chicken. Recipe gone rubbish

This was act 2 of my Caribean night. It's something I'll try again. Not because it was good; more because I made such a bodge of it. This recipe is NOT to be followed..... Marks out of 10:
- Planning 1/10
- Implementation 1/10
- Effort 8/10

Almost as ever, my start point was a quick google, hit no:1 was this - - well, I thought these guys ought to know what thy're doing. I'd done this at work and videos aren't allowed, so to be super-efficient, I printed the recipe. MISTAKE NO:1.

  • 3 1/2lb chicken or breasts
  • 6 scotch bonnets, finely chopped
  • 2 Tsp's each of Thyme, All Spice, Salt, Sugar, black pepper
  • 1 to 2 Tsp's each of cinamon, nutmet, ginger
  • 8 cloves garlic finely chopped
  • 3 medium onions finely chopped
  • 1/2 cup each olive oil & soy sauce
  • 1 cup each orange juice, white vinegar
  • Juice of 1 lime
I've recreated the ingredients faithfully. All this was printed on the first page. So, off I popped finely chopping the chillies, garlic and onions. MISTAKE NO:2. This chopping was sufficiently fine - and cack handed - that I managed to blister my finger. However they were indeed all chopped finely. Small successes must be cheered here.

Onto page 2 of the recipe, and it says "Don't worry about chopping, as you're going to blitz everything". MISTAKE NO:3 Somehow when I wrote down the ingredients to go shopping, I missed orange juice. We even paused by the orange juice section and dismissed it. This I replaced with honey - only a squirt. Orange = sweet, Honey = sweet. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Once all these things were blitzed up, I marinaded by chicken breasts in them. I'd bought 4 nice breasts.

Oh my, I think this might be how it was supposed to look. But it looks a little like a bather found several weeks after getting stuck in quicksand.

MISTAKE NO:4, Four chicken breasts is no way resembles a 3 1/2 lb chicken. I was now left with a pint of marinade.

Trying to think on my feet. I thought I'd simmer this a while and serve it as a side sauce. MISTAKE NO:5 Parentals poured it all over their dinners like proper normal sauce, before I explained this was left-over marinade and not for liberal use. As you might guess, with so few 'thinners' in the marinade it was feisty stuff. Cue much scraping off of excess sauce.

Just to round off the fiasco. I'd decided this might be nice as a spicy sandwich relish - spread fairly thinly. MISTAKE NO:5  However, I was foiled as Mrs VegBox poured it down the drain while I wasn't looking.

Hey-ho. Next time, next time.....


  1. Oh dear, but at least you have made me laugh, so there is something good to come out of it. Particularly the quick sand bit.

  2. eurgh...! scraping off is never a good sign!

  3. Quite right, anything involving scraping off is always bad.

    I may return to safer cooking grounds for a little while.


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